I was a typical London N.H.S worker Bee, in a job I loved, using my free time to travel the world, enjoy big city culture and a full social life.
I bought my first property in Muswell Hill. A few years after joining Our Lady of Muswell parish shrine, I started to feel the call of the Holy Spirit away from the world and to a life totally centred on God. To put it another way, I found myself falling head over heals in love with Jesus.
Fast forward about 10 years and I travelled to Portugal to attend Pope Francis 100th anniversary Mass for the first Apparition of Our Lady of Fatima, 13.05.17. During the Mass a pearl white Rosary, that I had bought from the Miraculous Medal Chapel in Paris, turned grey, (see photo below).
When I looked at this grey Rosary, I felt The Holy Spirit give me the word 'Poverty' and an invitation to give God the last two things I had to offer, my 'Freedom of Movement and Autonomy'. Within a year I had sold and left everything in the world and joined a Monastic order.
I was clothed as a Novice on Palm Sunday. During my time as a Novice I found a statue of Our Lady of Muswell in the Novice classroom and also a copy of the Novena to Our Lady of Muswell. I remember thinking at the time 'what are the odds of that?'. The first time I prayed Our Lady of Muswell's Novena, I felt The Holy Spirit show me that it was God's Will for a Catholic Benedictine order of Nuns to return again to Our Lady of Muswell parish shrine / area.
At first I thought it was God's Will for this to come about through the Monastic order that I was a Novice with, but over almost 3 years there, I could see that this was not the case. That particular Catholic monastic religious order was not signed up with the Catholic Churches Safeguarding Policy, during the time I was there and from what I experienced and observed God showed me that it was not His Will for me to take Vows with that congregation. I now pray the Novena to Our Lady of Muswell perpetually and gratefully.
I left religious life in 2020 on the Feast day of Ambrose of Milan and spent my first full day outside the Enclosure on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, which was also the first day of the Vatican year of St Joseph. After St Benedict left his first community he spent 3 years as a Solitary, so I have followed in his foot steps.
The spiritual warfare has been quite intense and from every corner but I've learnt that's actually a good sign you are on the right track and doing God's Will. By God's Grace, I have not lost my vocation or my Catholic Faith.
God bless The Holy Father, Pope Francis and all the persecution he suffers daily for all the anti-financial/sexual/spiritual abuse reforms he is committed to putting in place, to help Holy Catholic Church find it's way back to Jesus. God always stands on the poor man's side:
"Exodus 22:24-27, “Don’t mistreat widows or orphans. If you do and they cry out to me, you can be sure I’ll take them most seriously; I’ll show my anger and come raging among you with the sword, and your wives will end up widows and your children orphans."
God has led me very naturally to the Lay vocation of the privately Consecrated, (Dedicated), Benedictine Solitary and I now I can see that this was God Will's for me before I was even born. God wants me to be a little seed of 'Ora et Labora' for the Holy Spirit to one day bring the Benedictine Nuns back to Muswell Hill - even if it is long after I am gone.
I am so gratefull to God. The 'Freedom of Movement and Autonomy' God invited me to offer up, is lovingly surrendered each day in a life centered around daily Mass, the Monastic Divine Office, Rosary, Divine Mercy, Litany of Humility, Our Lady of Muswell and other Novena's, monthly Night Vigils and my shift work in a manual labour job, currently in a Care Home. I lead a predominantly Solitary life, in Recollection with Jesus but still have contact with people at work, in my parish/local area but I only socialise on Solemnities, when I join a friend for dinner.
There are still plenty of trials and tribulations - Jesus tells us that our mark of Baptism, as Catholic's, means a life carrying The Cross, continually forgiving each others out of love, https://youtu.be/Pt0hh1sNUXM and holy perseverance in good works, no matter what the personal cost. Good works of Misphat, (מִשְׁפָּט), a radical self sacrificing agape charity on behalf of the most vulnerable/marginalised/rejected/ forgotten seeking no earthly reward or benefit, only motivated by a deep sense of overwhelming love and gratitude to God for His gift of forgiveness and salvation which we ourselves did nothing to deserve, https://youtu.be/A14THPoc4-4 . This is our Catholic Faith and it is so beautifull. This is the map, the pathway, the Way to how we find Jesus in this life, so we can be with Him forever in the next eternal life in Heaven: https://youtu.be/o5OnF3sg0cY
Now I know I have found my Vocation and am doing God's Will because on the inside, despite all sufferings I feel real Joy, Peace and closeness to God.
Do you feel the same way?
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